Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
