you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
