idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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