i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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