I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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