Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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