Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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