its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
