hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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