I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
