It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
