So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
