My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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