So drunk its hurt
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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