i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
