you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
