I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
