My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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