That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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