I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
