im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
