i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
