I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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