so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
