Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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