She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
