im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
