i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
