Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
