I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
