I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
