So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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