I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
