I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
