Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
