I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the condom got lost in my hair
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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