I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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