So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
