I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
