oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
