you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
