I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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