what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
