i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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