I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
