It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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