I'm pants shitting drunk right now
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
