Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
