I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
