What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
