PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
